What am I *doing*?

This whole trip has just been a bit overwhelming and scary and amazing for me. When it was first mentioned, I kind of had that feeling...you know, that push that you get when you really need to do something? I had that.

And I might've ignored it, except I can't, because everything keeps coming together and just working to make it so I can go.

Like, when this trip was first mentioned, I knew my son Andy was going to want to go, and I just kind of joked about going along, too. But I kind of...poo-pooed it, you know? "Oh, I'd love to go, but it's not going to happen," I said. I was pretty sure that there was no way we'd be able to afford it, and so I kind of just blew the idea off--we'd send Andy and he'd have this fantastic experience in Belize and I'd stay home. And then Will came (on my birthday!) and told me I was going to need to get a passport if I wanted to go, that we'd find a way. And then Andy told me he wanted me to go, too.

Here was Will telling me we'd find a way, encouraging me to go, and my son telling me he wanted me there, too. And still, I resisted, a bit. I mean, I sort of started looking into getting a passport, but not really doing anything about it, not putting my full effort into it at all.

I'm a homebody. Traveling out of the country? With a group of people, some of whom I love dearly, and some of whom I know only as a face in a pew? And doing it without most of my family (without the security blanket of my husband, on whom I lean and depend every day and without whom my days just seem off)? I'll admit that it pretty much scares the heck out of me.

And yet... there was still that feeling, just kind of niggling there. I could've ignored it.

But we'd also just started a series of lessons in Sunday School on Being the Good Samaritan, and they were really thought provoking for me. Again, I kept getting that push, that voice in my head saying, you really need to do this. So I took the leap, went to the meeting, signed up, and paid the deposit.

And then I went to get my passport. The lady at the office said she wasn't sure my birth certificate was going to work--it's an abbreviated form, and it's laminated (by the state of Washington, but laminated nonetheless) and it's unconventional. "They're being really picky lately," she said, "but we can try." The 4-6 week wait they told me to expect before I found out if I was approved/got my passport? Took 3 weeks.

So I'm thinking, well, that was easy. Maybe I'm supposed to go on this trip, after all.

But inside, I'm still a bit resistant about going, even though everything is falling into place. The whole trip is really a step outside the box for me.

Plus, we really were wondering how we were going to pay for this. We just had to write a big check to the county for our property taxes, and we've got a payment due on the trip, and we just don't have an extra $2000 right now. And then somebody, some wonderful, amazing person, donates money for Andy and me and just takes that burden away from us.

So now... Now I'm done with the resisting. Now I'm doing the only thing I can do and answering the call. "Here I am, Lord. Send me."